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One Side: Beth

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?